So I've been doing a lot of thinking lately and have come to the conclusion that, although I'm only 20, I'm going through my mid-life crisis. I guess I'm just in a rush, I don't know. Since I'm not in school at the moment I spend a lot of time just in the house by myself reading or watching Grey's Anatomy or A Very Potter Musical/Sequel over and over. While I enjoy me time as much as the next person, I'm bored.
Also, this week I ventured out to Valparaiso, a city here in Indiana that I really love btw. I don't know what it is about it but I just think it's the cutest little downtown square and I love going there. Anyways, I found this amazing bakery Designer Desserts Bakery. First of all, the shop itself is awesome. It's like my head exploded onto the walls and decor.
I mean, a dinosaur eating a cupcake? Hello, I fell in love before I even tried the cupcakes. Then I tried the cupcakes.
This is a Pink Champagne cupcake. I also like to call it Heaven. It is seriously the most delicious cupcake I have ever tasted. Plus I like the breast cancer awareness decorations :) We also got a half-dozen to bring home and share. Because they are large and it is almost impossible to eat your way through a whole one of these by yourself.
Delicious.
Ok, so you may be asking me what this has to do with my, for lack of a better name, mid-life crisis. Here's what it has to do with it. How freaking awesome would it be to own a cupcake shop like this one? I love baking cupcakes and they always turn out pretty tasty (or at least they have so far). Then I remember the past two years I've spent taking education classes and all that money I've spent. And I remember that I have no knowledge whatsoever about business. Also there's the fact that I really like going to substitute at the local elementary schools. I would also loveeeeeeeee to be able to go somewhere. Anywhere. I've never been anywhere (unless you count the Florida trip I took when I was 4 that I don't remember, and I don't) and it makes me so sad. Almost everyone I know has been somewhere.
Then on top of all that, I feel so alone. I don't know what it is because I'm not really alone all that much (I suppose 6 hours a day is a pretty big chunk of time but I'm asleep for some of it) but I feel like my friends down at school have just forgotten about me and moved on (with the exception of two lovely ladies that I talk to everyday). And other than them, all my other friends are either in school or have a job. And I sit here all day doing nothing. Also, I've just thought of what I'm really going through. I think it's an identity crisis. And I'm telling you now instead of just renaming it throughout the post because I want you to know that I figured it out while typing all this out. I just don't know who I am or what I want anymore. Right now I'm not a student, I'm not employed, I don't have a boyfriend, I don't see my friends all that much. And I complain a lot. I do know that. So, what do I do now? I don't know what to do with my life from here. I'm at a standstill. I've been listening to this song a lot lately and I decided to share this cover with you instead of the original because I really like it. Plus I really like the cover artist. This song makes me feel slightly better and I can forget about all my crap because I love to sing it really loud.
Well, I made a life-changing decision yesterday. I am no longer a UIndy greyhound. I withdrew from classes yesterday and moved off campus and came back home. I decided that after starting to have panic attacks plus the pressure of school, it was all just too much. So now I'm home. Part of me feels like a big failure but the rest of me is just relieved. I'm relieved that I don't have to write lesson plans or stay up all night or work my ass off for nothing. I'm relieved that I can hold my kitty and sleep in my own bed and see my family every day. I miss my friends down there but it was nice to wake up today and not have to worry about what homework I had to get done or if I would pass the big test. It was also nice to wake up with my kitty and be able to wear my pajamas all day. Now I'm not totally done with school. I'm in the process of applying to schools close to home so I could commute. Hopefully if all goes as planned I will be enrolled somewhere next semester and will just be spending an extra year in school. I really don't like that idea but it beats the way I was feeling at school these past few weeks. I was always frustrated and sad and anxious and homesick and upset. So, I'm taking a semester off and will start school back up again next semester! For now I'm going to be re-doing my room and taking it from pink-loving 13 year old girl to me. Because the pink gives me a headache. I will also probably read Harry Potter again because, well, why not? And I'll go on Pottermore I expect. (I'm a Hufflepuff btw :P). If you want to be my friend or have a duel my username is SilverRose160!
Apparently it's been a month-ish since I've posted anything. To that I say, blame school. I have been here for almost three weeks and they have been three of the longest weeks of my life. I'm pretty sure I had a panic attack the first week because I was so overwhelmed and then proceeded to get a chest cold. Yay, me!
My room this year, however, is pretty legit. No more showering in a room full of stalls and other people, I have my own bathroom. I share it with one person, but that's definitely like 10 steps up from a whole floor full of girls. And I actually have a closet and an abundance of drawers. It really is lovely. Now, I am almost positive that my classes this semester were designed specifically to kill all of us. Seriously, I'm pretty sure the junior block of the Education department here will all be full of zombies by December. We are at three lesson plans a week right now and we read at least two chapters of the book for every class. And we are teaching kids. Right now I am in a Kindergarten classroom at one school and I have two second-graders at another school that I tutor in math. Now, don't get this 'tutoring' confused with the work you would do to tutor someone with their homework in a specific subject. For this tutoring, I have to make up a lesson plan for every class (every Tuesday and Thursday at 7:45 am) that will help both my students learn whatever the topic is. Did I mention my students are at two totally different ends of the spectrum?
They are also the sweetest things ever :) Along with these two second graders, I have a group of 4 Kindergarteners who absolutely make my Tuesdays and Thursdays. We are working on a colors unit right now and I have a feeling I'm going to miss them like crazy come October when we move up to first grade.
Now, since I have spent way too long talking about school, I would like to share some pictures that have no doubt helped me get through all the stress :) Enjoy!
And now I shall go do some more homework.
Oh, and I would also like to acknowledge the fact that I still don't have my Pottermore welcome email and I am getting pissy.
